Racial Slur Tourette’s
Dedicated to katpoker666
“That’s my cousin’s tic. Not sure exactly how he picked it up.”
“He yells random racial slurs, everywhere. In public, crowded places, on buses, subways. It’s a real problem.”
“I’ll bet.”
“That’s one fucked-up case of Coprolalia…”
“Most people can’t believe it. They’ll raise eyebrows or yell at him. Sometimes they laugh. He’s been punched in the head at least twice, that I witnessed.”
“It’s not like he can help it. He’ll be talking, like a normal conversation, about weather or sports, and then in the middle of it, he’s just dropping n-bombs.”
“With the hard ‘r?’”
“With the hard ‘r.’”
“Oh boy.”
“Boy? Isn’t that one, too?”
“It depends on the context. But I’m losing track these days. Getting offended, outrage seems to be an American national sport.”
“Bro, I ascribe to the George Carlin school of thought. It’s not the word but the context.”
“Nah, I hate those words. I think racial slurs are disgusting as cockroaches. I guess since we don’t hear those slurs much anymore, too, just actually hearing them, even less nocuous ones, like, ugh, it’s a kick in the teeth.”
“I’m still with George Carlin. Intentions matter more than consonants and vowels.”
“The philosophy of George Carlin should be taught in colleges.”
“Maybe your cousin should become a comedian.”
“He should go on Joe Rogan.”
“No, it’s really not an act. He always had Tourette’s, would yell curse words, but then it took a dark turn.”
“I think it all started when he watched a gangsta rap video on YouTube.”
“There’s those ‘parental advisory’ labels for a reason.”
“He’ll be like, talking normally, like, ‘Yup, the weather…’ then ‘N-BOMB!’… ‘… is sure hot.’ He totally screams the slur too.”
“I’m not sure what can be done about it. It’s not as if he’s trying to… He’s… aware of it. But just can’t stop.”
“I feel sorry for the dude. A problem like that must seriously limit social opportunities. Can’t invite a guy like that to a wine tasting, a trivia night, a play, or a Tupperware party.”
“His employment options must be limited too. Imagine a guy, in the next cubicle, just randomly screaming racial slurs every couple of minutes.”
“And it’s not only n-bombs, but every ethnicity. I don’t even want to repeat any of it.”
“Even saying those words, these days, whether it’s in malice or simple reporting, can get you in hot water. Have a social media mob breaking out the pitchforks.”
“There are plenty of people on the internet just sitting around, waiting to get pissed off.”
“I think that’s Facebook and Twitter’s entire business model: Piss People Off.”
“I don’t know what to do…”
“In China, lots of families have a room in their house, that they’ll use, to lock up and hide their crazies. They just lock them in there, open the door every so often to throw them food, but they won’t let them out.”
“Yo, like that lady, in China, whose family kept her chained to a wall. I read about that.”
“We might cringe at a story like that, but is it better or worse than leaving them on the street? Or letting them run around the subway, in NYC, smearing shit in people’s faces, pushing motherfuckers in front of oncoming trains, or punching old ladies in the face?”
“I’m cool with a crazy getting the solitary confinement. If it keeps ’em from slapping shit in people’s faces.”
“Bro, I got sympathy for the mentally ill. Really, I do. But I also don’t want to be pushed in front of a train or have shit thrown in my face. That’s not much to ask from my daily commute, not being pushed in front of a train or having feces flung at me…”
“ … “
“You guys, shouldn’t we call them ‘unhoused?’”
“ … “
“Homelessness sure offends me more than racial slurs.”
“Maybe your cousin should just go with it, join the KKK.”
“Nah, you see, he’s genuinely not racist. He watches the NBA. Heck, he even watches the WNBA.”
“The WNBA? That’s dedication.”
“It’s impossible for any WNBA fan to be racist or misogynistic.”
“Definitely don’t take him to an NBA basketball game…”
“Maybe tattoo his skin brown or black. Then he could say anything.”
“Or purple.”
“Wouldn’t that be twice as bad? It’s appropriation. Then, worse yet, it’s a purple fuck, just bellowing out racial slurs.”
“But if it’s tattooed?”
“A whole-body tattoo? That’s a level of dedication that transcends mere identity politics.”
“Just say that’s how he identifies as ‘blah blah blah’ and we should accept that.”
“If he were trans, then maybe it’d be less offensive…”
“If he were a disabled, Muslim, gay. And overweight. And he had a speech impediment… He’d be unstoppable…”
“Maybe the virus will go on forever, and you can slap like 5 masks on him. That’d muzzle him some.”
“Speaking of the virus, I think we should send him to stay with your family in China.”
“Oh, English language racial slurs shouldn’t bother too many people there. You could be on the busiest street in Beijing and yell out… and no one would give a damn.”
“They have a word ‘na ge’ that’s spoken similarly to the word… Russell Peters had a funny take on it.”
“I like Russell Peters.”
“Maybe your cousin could tour with Russell Peters.”
“Tour China, with Russell Peters.”
“Just don’t let anyone teach your cousin Chinese racial slurs.”
“Don’t let him watch any Chinese gangsta rap videos.”
“China Mac. I like him.”
“Or send your cousin to a really white place. Like Wales, Nebraska, or Norway.”
“The Welsh probably won’t care too much if he yells random racial slurs while in a Starbucks, ordering coffee, as he often does.”
“Nor should they care.”
“Unless they want more followers…”
“And their profile pic is blue and yellow…”
